December 10th, 2011
We, Tyler, Dexter & I, spent the evening at a friend's house with a few other familiess, celebrating Christmas. We had an awesome deep fried turkey dinner with all the fixings and the kids played together as much as 2 year olds do. It was an early evening and we were home by 9pm. I felt mostly good except that baby felt like he was in a weird position making me feel very full, and my ankles/feet were super swollen. I decided to watch some TV with my feet up before tackling my "to do" list for a Christmas party we were hosting the next day.
December 11th, 2011
12:10am - Just finished watching SNL and decided to hit the bathroom. I have had incontinence issues this pregnancy and was pretty sure I had peed a little bit while laughing at SNL. When I sat down on the toilet I saw that my inconstinence pad was soaked in blood and when I looked into the toilet I saw urnine and blood mixed together. I started freaking out right away but Tyler didn't know that it was probably a big deal. I told him I was either calling the health link number or going to the Leduc Emergency. I tried Health Link and got a waiting cue so I hung up...I was crying because I assumed this was a very terrible sign and I decided I would just go to the emergency. I threw on some sweat pants and told Tyler to stay home with Dexter and I would call him once I knew what was going on and whether or not I would be going on to Grey Nuns Hospital in Edmonton.
12:20am - Arrived at Leduc Hospital Emergency waiting room. I told the intake nurse that I was bleeding and immediately started crying again. She pulled me into the back where another nurse (quite unfriendly) started taking my information and took my blood pressure. She told me she didn't have any rooms available at the moment so to go back to the waiting room and she would get me when she "kicked someone out". She also told me to go to the bathroom in 5 minutes and see if there was more blood.
The friendly intake nurse realized she was missing my address, etc so she called me over to get the additonal information. She also asked me how far along I was (33 weeks) and said that her twins were born at 28 weeks and were doing well. I knew from a recent ultrasound that my baby was about 4 lbs and she said her twins were 1.5 lbs and 2 lbs so that made me feel a little better. I went to the bathroom and there was blood but just a little bit more, no where near the amount I had at home. I told the friendly intake nurse that.
12:44am - I got called into the back where I was put in a room, put on a hospital gown and then proceeded to get hooked up to the non-stress test. A third nurse was doing this and she was also friendly, she had a hard time getting the sensor to continue to pick up the heartbeat but finally got it and left the room. She told me she'd be back in a couple minutes to check on me, but that I'd be monitored for 10 minutes total. I was also told to hit the button when I felt baby move. I didn't feel a whole lot but a few times I thought I maybe felt a tiny kick or two (but wasn't sure). During this time I was having a bit of pain, similar to weak menstral cramps, and my abdomin felt really sensitive to touch and put any pressure on. A lab lady came by and took a blood sample. The alarm went off on the fetal machine and the unfriendly nurse came and such it off. The alarm went off again and then figured out that it was probably going off because the sensor kept losing track of the heartbeat. She moved the sensor around and finally got it working. Friendly nurse came back, probably around 1:20am. I told her the other nurse moved the sensor (baby's heartrate hovered around 135 the whole time), but I don't think they had a full sheet of data so she left me hooked up and left again. All in all I think I was hooked up to the machine until about 2am.
2:00am? - Unhooked me from the machine and asked if I'd be up for a urine sample. I said sure as pregnant ladies can pretty much pee on command. I was given a urnine sample cup and pointed to the bathroom. There was quite a lot of blood this time. I came out of the bathroom and there were no staff around so I went back to my room. Sat there for a few minutes, then came out with my urine to see if anyone was there yet. They were so I handed them my sample. They said they would send them to the lab and the doctor said that he was going to call Grey Nuns after the results and probably end up sending me there.
Went back to my room. Had to go to the bathroom again so did and there was a lot more blood again as well as clots. Came out and told the doctor this, also said I was in a lot of menstrual cramping pain and asked for some Tylenol to help (as I know Tylenol is safe). Doctor asked if I felt dizzy (which I didn't), and some other things which I wasn't. Nurse brought me some tylenol and told me to get comfortable as I waited for my results. Was getting super tired and asked if I could use my cell to call my hubby. They offered to bring a phone into my room.
I moved around the room and the bed and couldn't get comfortable. I laid in the bed and then just started crying from the pain. Then I realized the last time I felt this much pain and had tears was when I was in labor with Dexter. So I went back out to the doctor and told him this, thinking maybe I had mistook all that pain and been having constractions the whole time. He checked my stomach and the pressure hurt a lot. He said he wanted to give me an IV and would give me some morphine and send me via ambulance to the Grey Nuns hospital. *Note: Leduc Hospital does not do deliveries or c-sections. I was registered with Grey Nuns to have my baby there in January.
The unfriendly nurse attemped two IVs in my right arm with no luck but a lot of pain. She called the 3rd nurse in to try the other arm. That nurse tried twice again with no luck and a lot of pain (I don't remember them hurting that bad any other time). They wrapped a heated blanket on my right arm to help. A bit later they attempted the 5th IV and finally got it. Then I got the morphine and the pain decreased. From a 12 to a 5...the ambulance guys transferred me and called me a pin cushion as they witnessed the damage to my arms. Sometime during the IV process I called Tyler to fill him in and he made arrangements to drop Dexter off at a friends and meet me at Grey Nuns. My blood pressure was checked several times but baby was not checked at all during this time or since the fetal monitoring.
4:30am? - I arrive at Grey Nuns around this time. The morphine was wearing off and the pain was increasing. I got registered and put in the group pregnancy admitting room. A very nice nurse (who ended up being with me the whole time) started to hook me up to the non-stress test for which you start with the heartrate monitor. She was having a hard time locating it and I was trying to be helpful by saying they had a hard time in Leduc too and where they found it. She couldn't get it so they wheeled over an ultrasound machine and tried to find it that way. When I watched on the screen I saw the rib shot and didn't see the typically flicker that is usually baby's heartrate. Then the nurses started talking really low to themselves and I was pretty sure they were NOT seeing what I was also not seeing.
5:00am? - Tyler arrives and comes over. I tried to mouth to him about them not seeing the heartrate but he wasn't getting it. The nurses got the on-call doctor (Dr.Lee) but I can't remember if this was before or after Tyler got there. She checked my dialation (3cm) and decided to break my water so that she could attach a sensor directly to baby's head to check the heartrate. There was no heartbeat.
The doctor said she was calling a radiologist so that she could get a complete ultrasound scan done. The radiologist didn't want to come in before 9am. She told him tough and to get in ASAP. The doctor and nurses don't really come out and say what this all means leaving us to fill in the blanks. I realized this means there is pretty much no hope but Tyler didn't get that same message so we called the doctor in again. I asked, "shouldn't you be c-sectioning?" She said "yes, I hope when the radiologist does the scan i am wrong and then I would cut you immediately". So I asked "if there was even a 1% chance shouldn't you be doing that right now" and she basically said yes. Which meant there wasn't even a 1% chance he was okay. I ask what the process will be and she said once the scan was confirmed she would induce me and I would go through labor and delivery. Then she left again.
Tyler & I started talking and I was like "why do I need to deliver? why can't I just get a c-section". So we buzzed the nurses and she came back and I asked the same questions. She was like "you can do whatever you what to make this easier for you." Then left to tell the doctor that I was considering the c-section. The doctor came back right away and was like "you don't want the c-section because it is so much worse for any future births and risks of uterine rupture". Also there is the recovery time, much less with birthing. She basically convinced me that the best thing in the long run was to labor.
6:50am - I am having some more pain so the nurse checks me and I am still 3cm dialated. I find out that the radiologist is finally here and I get wheeled down to do the complete ultrasound scan. The tech does the scan wordlessly then says he will take the pictures to the radiologist. He leaves and we are in a darkly lite room with no nurse buzzer.
7:00am - My pain starts becoming unbearable and I feel like I am going to throw up. I beg Tyler to figure out a way for me to get some more painkillers. Since there is no nurse buzzer he is unable to call anyone or do anything. However he does awesome at holding my hand and trying to keep my breathing focused. Eventually someone arrives to wheel me back upstairs to a labour and delivery room. My original nurse sees how much pain I'm in and calls for the doctor. She checks me and thinks I am 9cm dilated. I can't handle the pain and I throw up several times. The doctor checks me and says I am actually 6cm, then orders the epidural. In the meantime I get a little more morphine. The anesteologist (or whatever the heck they're called) arrives and she is super nice. I have to sit up for her to prepare my back and do the epidural. Sitting up causes the contractions to be right on top of each other. I got the freezing needle in the back but I can't stay in the right position for her to get the epidural in. The doctor insists on checking me to see how dialated I am (which I really didn't want because if I as far enough dialated she said I'd have to push). I really resisted lying down but eventually did it. I was 9cm so I missed out on the epidural and had to push. The anesteologist said she could keep giving me "remi" (not sure what that is), a short term painkiller to help keep the edge of the pain off. She stayed by my sid and held my one leg for the pushing. Tyler held the other and there were three other nurses there as well.
With the first push he crowned but I felt the tear. I didn't want to do anymore as I found the pain unbearable. My contraction stopped and I insisted on waiting before pushing again. All the doctors and nurses and Tyler were telling me to push but I needed time to compose myself. Not to be gross, but I also felt like I was having a bowel movement and it felt like it was "easing out" on its own so I figured instead of pushing baby out I was going to deep breath/ease him out (kind of hypnobaby philosophy style). I'm not sure how many minutes later it was but this is pretty much exactly what happened, I gave a tiny little extra push and he came out @ 7:55am.
7:55am - They put him on the baby bed and he was very, very blue. I guess that is normal as he was without oxygen for at least three hours and up to six hours. I delivered the placenta and the doctor confirms that the placenta ruptured as she expected that was what caused his death (as for why the placenta ruptured we don't know - more on that later). I have a very minor, first degree tear only requiring one stitch. The natural hormones from delivering must be kicking in because I'm having very logical thoughts about "everything happens for a reason" etc. Tyler, up until this point, was still holding out hope so when he saw our baby come out he finally broke down. I was asked if I wanted to hold him and I did and he looked beautiful to me.
*I have a lot more to add about our time in the hospital that day and our experiences since then, however they will be different posts. This post is dedicated to the story of what happened leading up to the birth*
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